Harry Potter and the Weapon of Incredulity
by GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: The Potters have a secret weapon which will help destroy the most narcissistic of self-admitted Dark Lords. Kind of crack (the end isn't)


On October the 31st 1981 Lord Voldemort strides confidently up to the house containing his current mortal enemy- _The Potters_. Thunder crashes with his internal monologue and the Dark Lord nods satisfied- he was getting good at that.

With some kind of almighty spell he blasts the door off the hinges and begins the wand motions for Av-

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

James Potter stands in the-

Let's say it together kids! One last time for luck-

What the fuck?

James Potter stands in the entrance, wand raised and wearing something that even if Voldemort did know anything about underwear he would still doubt it counted as it.

"Honey- did you schedule a creepy man to come and babysit Harry?" He goes to usher the Dark Lord Voldemort into his house as his wife mutters something incomprehensible from their child's bedroom.

"Stu-"

"Avada Kedavra!" With a roar of confusion and anger (but mostly confusion) Voldemort strikes down the eldest Potter.

He ascends the stairs quickly, slamming open the door to the small child's room.

The ginger stares up at him adoringly.

"Oh- my Lord! You have come to free us from the shackles of-" Before the disturbed man can become too distracted by the weirdness of the whole situation and the fact that she- like her husband- is also dressed only in something approaching underwear he ends her life.

He laughs shrilly as the baby looks up at him, puzzled.

"Avada Kedavra!"

And Voldemort was no more.

Until he was.

And he proceeded to mess up Harry's life to compensate for the trauma that night left on him.

Then- after many years and millions more Crucios the two face each other again.

"So Potter-" The boy holds up his hand and points a wand at his clothes, wordlessly transfiguring them into a full-sized rubber chicken suit and his own wand into a rubber chicken.

For a second Voldemort falters, confused as to why the hell the youngest Potter would do such a thing. Nevertheless it's something he can use to his advantage.

Whilst Voldemort taunts him about his attire and all the connotations that come with it he doesn't notice the boy's lips moving until he flicks the rubber chicken at him.

"Avada Kedavra."

And that is the power of which he knew not. The power of incredulity.

Great as a distraction. Brilliant for parties. Not so good if you take yourself seriously.

./\\./\\./\\./\\.

What really happened that night:

Lily held her husband tightly, embracing him for one last time.

"I love you." He presses a gentle kiss to her head.

"I love you too. Remember the signal- right? Wouldn't want… everything to be a waste would we?" He breaks up a little at the end and she leans up to lock him in a tender kiss.

"Never. For Harry." He smiles, tears slowly rolling down his face.

"For Harry." James sniffs as he begins removing his clothes.

"I wish we could have told Remus or Sirius about this- I hope Remus can stop him from doing anything stupid." Lily nods, gently placing Harry in his cradle.

When he man has finished changing he gathers his courage and pulls his wife in for another desperate kiss.

"You'll save our son for sure. You always have had the steadiest hands in our year." She smiles sadly.

"I love you James."

"I love you Lily. I hope I don't see you too soon, little scamp." He waves good bye to their son.

As soon as he leaves the room, shutting the door softly she begins chanting- her wand moving over the practised movements as if it were no more effort than reciting the uses of dragon blood.

She hears something explode and with muffled sobs carves the lines into her son's head, taking care to place him under a strong pain relief charm before she does so. She doesn't waste the time for herself as she slices open her thumb and presses the burning wound against his.

"Avada Kedavra!" She whimpers slightly, gently pressing her lips against her son's cheek as she whispers the last piece of the spell.

The door bursts open and Lily grins, knowing that her son is safe.

"Oh- my Lord! You have come to free us from the shackles of-"

"Avada Kedavra!" And Lily Potter is no more.


End file.
